The GOD i KNOW

Its now 1.20am and im thinking about God; Father, Jesus, and Holy Spirit .. The God who really catch my heart few years back, and im trying to remember all of the details about what i'd been experienced since.

HE IS MY HEALER
Most of my life, He heals my broken heart. Its the important thing in my life i guess, to be healed inside. Sampai hari ini, sy masih terus temukan bahwa Tuhan "menyembuhkan" saya, and i got a quote in my life "saya harus sembuh" dan quote itu terus mendorong saya untuk mencari Tuhan sampai mengalami kesembuhan itu sendiri. He heals my broken heart since 1998; sakit hati dari keluarga yang 'broken', berkali-kali melihat papa siksa mama sampai darah dan muka lebam mama jadi pemandangan tiap hari, sakit hati karena dituduh mencuri perhiasan dan uang dollar di rumah engkong dan dipaksa ngaku juga omg omg, sakit hati karena di khianati pacar, sakit hati melihat adik saya yang kedua hidupnya berantakan, sakit hati liat mama saya terjerat hutang, sakit hati liat papa suru mama gantung diri dengan tali tambang yang udah disiapin, sakit hati karena saya kena pukul terus tiap kali bela mama, My whole teen life was about HURTING inside and outside, dll. Everytime i draw near to God with my whole "heart", i ended up being HEAL. I thank God for those moment who finally leads me to the healer. He is my healer and yours too. This quote is for you: "Kamu harus sembuh"

HE IS MY DEFENDER
Semua keluarga besar pandang keluarga saya 'rendah' and i've been QUITE and also SILENT karena saya masih kecil. I just can keep it in my heart. Sejak saya lahir baru, seems like Tuhan ingin memperkenalkan diriNya sebagai PEMBELA HIDUP SAYA. Dan YUP! Sejak saat itu sampai saat ini, Dia membela perkara saya 'ALWAYS'. My family was broke, dan saya kuliah karena dana yang turun dari om yang super kaya. (for me at least). Dia bela saya, sampai saat ini saya gak tau siapa sponsor saya untuk saya sekolah di Singapore. Keluarga besar gak pernah sangka dan mimpi kalau ada anak dari keluarga FRANS THE (almarhum papa) akan pernah mengecap sekolah di luar negri dan GRATIS. Dia membela saya dan keluarga saya. He bring me to Malaysia, and also to Australia. I traveled a lot for a girl my age, a girl yang gak dipandang orang dan dari keluarga yang juga gak dipandang. One time, papa saya sampai berlutut di kaki om untuk supaya saya bisa sekolah, dan saya mengulangnya pada orang yang sama untuk supaya adik saya bisa sekolah. Hari ini, keluarga saya keluarga yang terpandang karena Tuhan membela perkara saya.

HE IS MY LOVER
I need to be loved on a very HIGH level sejak SMA. Mempergunakan dan hampir menghalalkan segala cara sampai cowo-cowo 'suka berat' sama saya. Pretty success that time! Dan sejak saya lahir baru, everytime i come to God, He shows His affection that i needed most of the time in my life. He is my lover; He used everything around me to say that "He loves me" and my heart can feel that. Di pinggir jalan nunggu angkot tiba-tiba angkot berenti (penuh banget), tapi di radionya ada lagu cinta dan all of sudden, kaya ke GEER-an seolah itu disengaja untuk saya. *blushing* .. i was thinking about new pants, new shoes dan tiba-tiba di kamar ada celana dan sepatu yang PERCIS seperti yang saya mau. Satu kali i was walking to home pulang dari kampus, karena gak ada uang sama sekali, the soft voice in my heart said "LOOK UP, LOOK LOOK!" dan (maybe its just me), tapi saya liat awan diatas saya berbentuk hati. (tell me naif or childish, but HEY i FELT LOVE) *blushing again* EVERYDAY IS A SURPRISE from my LOVER i can say. I feel loved, E V E R Y D A Y and i never felt like this before. His love is very real i can feel. Its beyond every explanation i just can feel it. Ever since, saya gak perlu lagi cari perhatian dari para cowo-cowo supaya mereka jatuh cinta sama saya, saya gak perlu lagi manja-manjaan sama cowo-cowo yang gak jelas, because i got what i need. Sampai saya ketemu dengan pasangan hidup saya, Brian Harsanto .. He was like jelmaan asmaranya Tuhan buat saya. The way he treat me, love me, surprise me, look at me, its just so real.

HE IS MY 100% DADDY
Karena saya kurang ngerti kasih papa, itu justru membuat saya bergantung pada Tuhan. Waktu papa meninggal, beberapa hari setelah itu .. saya baru sadar bahwa selama ini saya belum mengenal Tuhan sebagai BAPA. Dan sejak itu, saya mengatakan bahwa Tuhan adalah my 100% daddy for me. He protects and He provides like a real dad. Im a warrior, but setiap kali saya datang sama Tuhan, He shows up as a DAD. Every time im super tired, and super hurt, HE showed up as a DAD. He provides my everything as a DAD. a DAD that i cannot touch physically, but a DAD who always i touched right in His heart. He touched my heart, as a DAD. One nite God asked me "Essly, from now on allow me to be your 100% Dad" and i was just C R Y I N G and C R Y I N G because a girl like, definitely needs a DAD. *im missing my earth dad who is not earthly with me now* *sob*

HE IS MY KING
day by day, week by week, month by month, year by year ... i learned and i experienced many things. When i grow up a little bit more, HE SHOWED UP as a KING. dan sejak saat itu, saya menganggap Dia RAJA dengan hati BAPA. He wants my daily lives and i gave it to Him. Setiap keputusan yang mau saya ambil, i'd make sure that He allows me to do so, i'd make sure that He nod His head before i do everything else. He is the KING of KINGS, and i serve Him as His daughter, as His first daughter and together preparing the way untuk si bungsu pulang. "He is the Lord of my days"

last but not least ...
HE IS MY EVERYTHING
Yes its true, He's been my everything and will always be my everything. Its another point which hard to explained, but He is my reason for everything. He is my reason until today, why i sing, why i preach, why i cry, why i smiled, why im happy and why i am today be what i am today. Segalanya buat saya, segalanya buat keluarga saya. And day by day, He keeps showing me LOVE.. He is the reason! My everything.

He is the GOD i know ..
Ada satu quote yang keren banget:
"The more you know God, The more you love Him, the more you'll worship Him"
Because worshiping is about GOD, its about the GOD you know.

He is the GOD i know ..

Hope you can get "The GOD you KNOW" in your journey of worshiping Him. Experience HIM!
He'll love to hear that pray, and He'll run to meet you.

Pe 3:18 Tetapi bertumbuhlah dalam kasih karunia dan dalam pengenalan akan Tuhan dan Juruselamat kita, Yesus Kristus. Bagi-Nya kemuliaan, sekarang dan sampai selama-lamanya.

xoxo xoxo