I want to be humble

Hello world! Today is a very tiring day .. my body is completely tired, yet my spirit is so ALIVE. Its been a week, a month, a year maybe im thinking about this one: HUMBLE. Berawal dari pemikiran, perenungan, analisa, sampai akhirnya menjadi sebuah kerinduan dan keinginan bahkan KEBUTUHAN. The crying out has started since last year, and entering this year this crying out becomes my DEPRESSION NEEDS. Last nite, and tonite i depressingly crying out:I WANT TO BE HUMBLE.

I dont know about you, tapi menjadi HUMBLE atau RENDAH HATI itu sama sekali bukan natural saya. I dont know about you, but humbleness is what i really need the most for this year. Kalau Salomo di jamannya meminta hikmat dan kebijaksanaan, Essly di jamannya meminta kerendahan hati. *DEPRESSINGLY* Sebuah kerinduan sampai membuat depresi dan stress sendiri. Its depressing because each time i ask for it, i have to fight my nature, my own flesh. Its depressing because God didnt gave me the humbleness, He gave me an experience and a journey that is not easy for me to be humble. so I assume, humbleness is a PRODUCT. Its not a gift wrapped by a nice wrapping and ribbon on top of it. Dan ternyata Firman Tuhan pun berkata bahwa kerendahan hati adalah salah satu BUAH dari ROH KUDUS. CONFIRMED!

Everytime i want to be humble, i never be humble.
Everytime i want to be humble, it always turned out to be the opposite.
but i need to be humble anyway, and I WANT TO, I HAVE TO.
- esslythe

HUMBLENESS

Humility is perfect quietness of heart. It is for me to have no trouble; never to be fretted or vexed or irritated or sore or disappointed. It is to expect nothing, to wonder at nothing that is done to me, to feel nothing done against me. It is to be at rest when nobody praises me and when I am blamed or despised. It is to have a blessed home in the Lord where I can go in and shut the door and kneel to my Father in secret and be at peace as in a deep sea of calmness when all around is trouble. It is the fruit of the Lord Jesus Christ’s redemptive work on Calvary’s cross, manifested in those of His own who are definitely subject to the Holy Spirit.
Andrew Murray

Saya rasa quote di atas menjelaskan SEMUANYA mengenai kerendahan hati. Let me translated into my translation. This is really good. And this is a bit intimidating, since im not humble. NOT YET not yet ..

Kerendahan hati adalah sebuah ketenangan di dalam hati. Tidak adanya gangguan di dalam hati; gak menjadi kesel, atau jengkel, atau terhina, atau terganggu, atau kecewa. Kerendaha hati gak mengharapkan balasan, berpikir bahwa segala sesuatu bukan karena saya, dan tidak berprasangka buruk terhadap apa yang orang lakukan terhadap saya. Kerendahan hati tetap tenang walaupun tidak ada seorangpun yang memberikan pujian kepada saya dan ketika saya disalahkan atau dikesampingkan. Kerendahan hati adalah sebuah rumah kemana saya dapat masuk dan menutup pintunya rapat dan bersujud di kaki Bapa di dalam sebuah kedamaian dan kedalaman seperti tenggelam di dalam lautan ketenangan ketika sekeliling kita adalah masalah. kerendahan hati adalah buah dari pekerjaan Yesus di kayu salib, yang dimanifestasikan melalui dirinya sendiri dalam rupa Roh Kudus. Andrew Murray.

So, i think im gonna leave you to PAUSE after you read this notes. a SHORT one right, but i guess its the DEEP one! Lets do the SELAH tonite or whenever you read this notes. Let this be our most desire, more than anything else in this world. And i really want to know what do you think about this HUMBLENESS. Please leave a comment and help me to be humble. I WANT TO BE HUMBLE.

to be continue ...